It consumed me… I was a complete mess this day so many years ago…

When the news first hit, I didn’t want to believe, but I couldn’t deny the images on the television. In my career I have spent a lot of time doing mornings and news, this time in life I was doing news and had to not only absorb my feelings, I had to tell you what was going on. I had to gather the information and then tell every other mother and father that your fears are real, this can happen and your children are not always safe while you’re away.

13 years ago today, this afternoon two boys opened fire on their school and killed 12 students and one teacher, injured 21 other students and then killed themselves. The incident has gone down as one of the four deadliest school massacres in U.S. History. The massacre is also referred to in television dramas, movies and more.

I am not one to dwell or carry thing’s with me for eternity, but when I remember, I cry. I don’t know what it says of me then to block these events out. It wasn’t until this morning when I read a friends Facebook status referring to the incident that I did remember; does that make me a bad person?

I have four children, two are grown and living their own semi-adult (to me they will always be kids) lives in Fort Collins and the other two are nearing the end of their high school careers. I still remember what they are wearing every time they leave my side. I capture the look on their faces and hold it close to me. Yesterday, Ashley wore jeans and a blue Colts T-shirt, Colton had on my burnt orange Mesa Verde hoodie and jeans. I also got to see the big kids, Natasha was wearing a black t-shirt with a white etched car on the front and black pants (and a black headband), Zachariah was wearing a black t shirt-plain and black pants with orange Bistro Crocs. I have always had the fear that I would get a call that they had disappeared and I wanted to be able to tell the police what they were wearing. Apparently, I am still overly cautious.

Remembering the incident at Columbine High School on this day 13 years ago hurts. It strips away my innocence and bares all my fears for children, both mine and yours. With that said I believe we can change our tomorrows, I believe that we can move forward and share greater patience and love. I ask, that this afternoon you put down your smartphone, turn away from your computer screen and remember… remember through the anger, through the pain and through the fear.