Hugh Hefner Marries Crystal Harris Since Neither Can Do Any Better [PHOTOS]
Not content with all the tail he was regularly getting in the Playboy Mansion and eager for something deep and real, Hugh Hefner finally tied the knot with generic bimbo Crystal Harris, who was likely eager for bank accounts that were also deep and real.
Hefner, 86, married Harris, 26, on New Year's Eve in a small ceremony at the Playboy Mansion because romance.
This all came after Harris bailed on marrying the Playboy founder just days before their originally scheduled June 2011 wedding and later auctioned off the engagement ring. Harris explained to Us Weekly that it wasn't Hef, it was her. Because none of us could figure that out.
"When the wedding didn't work out the first time, it was because of me. I needed to explore out there and take the time away [from Hef and the Mansion]," she said. "[It] really helped make me realize that where I'm meant to be is here with Hef. Our relationship is better than it ever has been before. I'm very happy and Hef's very happy and we're excited."
Translation: Being a generic blonde Playmate didn't pay well and no other younger, rich rods worked out. (We're here to help.)
And since the only thing Harris likes more than Hef's wallet is attention, she took to Twitter to publicize details of their nuptials. Just not the details of what was likely a hefty set of prenuptials, too.
Hef took to the microblogging site himself as well, because he's super hip even though his hips are likely ready for replacement. "Crystal & I married on New Year's Eve in the Mansion with [brother] Keith as my Best Man. Love that girl!"
The ceremony had pretty red, pink and white flowers aplenty, and the couple's puppy wore a tux for the festivities.
As for the bride? She rocked a pale pink gown, because even she probably couldn't keep a straight face wearing white.