When you read a crime log you are usually prepared for the oddities. Not this time! Socks, a drunk security guard and a mattress make up the July 4th-8th Greeley-Evans Crime log.

As the Greeley Tribune reported, if nothing else what you are about to read, might just make you feel better about your own life.

Saturday, July 4

1 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the corner of 8th Street and 12th Avenue for a report of a man who threatened to punch a woman because she wouldn’t give him any socks.

4 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 3700 block of 25th Street for a report of an excessive amount of flies flying around an apartment complex.

4:30 p.m.: Evans police responded to Santa Fe Avenue for a report of children lighting bottle rockets and shooting them at a neighbor’s house. When police arrived, they found the children in possession of smoke bombs but not bottle rockets.

4:45 p.m.: Greeley police responded to a liquor store in the 1100 block of 9th Street for a report of a highly intoxicated man who was trying to buy alcohol for people on the “habitual drunk” list.

10:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to a park in the 500 block of 14th Avenue for a report of an intoxicated man claiming to be the personal security guard for a well-to-do Greeley resident. The man had already been removed from the park earlier that day.

Sunday, July 5

9:45 a.m.: Greeley police were called to respond to detox in the 1100 block of M Street because a woman complained a bed hurt her back. The woman claimed being forced to sleep on an uncomfortable mattress violated her civil rights.

2 p.m.: Greeley police were again called to respond to detox in the 1100 block of M Street. The caller, the same woman from earlier, complained this time that staff members were trying to kill her.

7:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to a pond off of E Street for a report of two men in their 20s shooting fireworks and firing their BB guns at fish.

Monday, July 6

3 a.m.: Greeley police responded to a hospital in the 1800 block of 16th Street for a report of a stranded carnival worker.

9:45 a.m.: Greeley police responded to 4th Street and 43rd Avenue Court for a report of a dead dove. The caller told dispatchers she found the dove the night before acting funny. She brought it home to nurse it back to health, but it passed during the night, which led her to believe it had been poisoned.

3:45 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 2200 block of 69th Avenue for a report of bullet holes in a resident’s wall. The caller estimated the shots were fired sometime in the last month.

10:30 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 2100 block of 30th Street for a report of a child’s father “acting stupid.” Once officers were on scene, they learned the boy — who called police — was on probation and had a court-ordered curfew. He wanted to go out with his friends, but his father wouldn’t let him.

Tuesday, July 7

9:30 a.m.: Greeley police responded to the 2900 block of 45th Avenue for a report of a skunk walking around in a resident’s backyard. The caller notified police because she thought it was peculiar a skunk was awake during the daytime.

8 p.m.: Greeley police responded to the 1600 block of 9th Avenue for a report of a man who performed work for another man for a fee of $10, but was never paid. The caller told police the other man asked for two weeks to come up with the money. Police told the caller that if the other man required two weeks to come up with $10, then he probably had been scammed.

Wednesday, July 8

7:30 a.m.: Greeley police responded to the 200 block of 16th Avenue for a report of a dog that had eaten its neighbor’s chickens.

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